The following incidents and arrests are some but not all, of the reports filed with Sandy Springs police from April 24 through May 1.

The following information was provided by the Sandy Springs Police Department from its records and is presumed to be accurate. Snarky comments courtesy of Capt. Steve Rose.

Robbery

500 block of Northridge Drive—On April 24, a 25-year-old man reported that someone knocked on the door around noon. When he answered, a man armed with a gun came inside. A second male followed. They demanded to know “where the money was,” but left with the resident’s watch and iPhone. The man with the gun struck him on the head, causing a laceration.

Suspects are both men between 25 and 27 years old.

Burglary

5300 block of Roswell Road—On April 24, a resident at an apartment said someone forced (broken glass) a patio door and entered. Nothing was taken. The victim said a man knocked on the door earlier asking for someone. He was dressed in a grey shirt, jeans, and Nike Shoes. He was also holding a rock in each hand.

*In police work, we call this a clue.

500 block of Calibre Springs Way—On April 25, someone broke and forced a rear bedroom window open and accessed an apartment. The apartment was ransacked. Nothing was listed as stolen. The following day, a second burglary was reported in this apartment complex.

1000 block of Spalding Forest Court—On April 29, a 31-year old woman reported that she notified the apartment office she would be gone for a few days. On return, she noticed the apartment looked “lived in,” which made her think that someone had accessed the apartment. The missing iPad was another clue. She said that when she told the office staff she would be gone, there were others in the office who could have overheard the conversation.

5300 block of Peachtree-Dunwoody Road—On April 29, someone used a pry tool to open a carport door leading to the home. Jewelry, electronics and video games were taken.

4700 block of Roswell Road—On April 29, someone kicked the front door to the apartment, forcing it open. Missing is a PS3 game system and TV.

Thefts

6600 block of Roswell Road—On April 25, a store manager said she noticed a cash drawer short about $322. Video of the transactions showed an employee paying a customer, supposedly selling clothing, much more than what was documented as a sale of just over $21. It turns out the customer selling the clothing was a friend of hers, named Max, and the transaction was for the purpose of stealing money. The suspect was still at the store and her story was that Max had been to a strip club the night before and had an excessive amount of one-dollar bills. (The old Traditional Strip Club Defense.) Her point is that her transaction of handing over money for exceeding the supposed $21-sale, was legit. She said the money was an exchange and she had Max’s strip-club money in the other hand. The problem with her story was that the video clearly showed that she never placed any money in the register. The employee never admitted the theft. She was fired and given a criminal trespass warning.

When people steal from you, prosecute them.

Marchland Court—On April 26, someone accessed a fenced-in area of a home and took a Cannondale Mountain Bike, Husky Blower, LED Flashlight and an Echo Weed Eater. The report said the items were in a fenced area that may not have been locked.

6000 block of Roswell Road—On April 26, someone stole two cellphones from the AT&T Cellphone Center.

First block of Glenlake Parkway—On April 27, an employee said one of her employees stole a $500 money order and cashed it. The order was cashed (endorsed too) with the employee’s name. The employee admitted it, saying she cashed others too.

Fraud

A 46-year-old woman filed a report that her tax returns were rejected by IRS because someone had already used her Social Security Number.

The IRS will want a police report done before releasing any information to you. If this happens, and right now it is common, file a report and contact them with the information and case number. On April 27, two additional victims reported the same type incident. More reports were logged, same M.O., on the 28th. It goes on and on this time of year.

6000 block of Roswell Road—On April 28, employees at a fast food restaurant called police regarding a counterfeit bill. The report said a person “uttered” a counterfeit $20 bill. “Uttered” is a funny word.

The utter(er) was still on the scene and explained that he received the bill as part of $200 from Wells Fargo Bank in Roswell, Georgia. He seemed very cooperative and utterly surprised. The fake bill was identified by a lack of watermark line. Utter is a verb meaning more or less to express with words. The proper use of the word would be as follows: “He was well-spoken, uttered not a single obscenity and had good teeth.”

An example of an improper use of the words would be a recent conversation that my Uncle Dewey had last week at the Moose Lodge in Nelson, Georgia.

Assault

5800 block of Roswell Road—On April 24, a 36-year-old man reported that he was driving north on Roswell Road and observed another car, heading in the same direction, driving erratically and reckless. At some point the other car stopped and a man got out and cursed at the driver, who was still seated. The driver exited and took a photo of the suspect who, in turn, pushed him, then returned to the car and left the location. The suspect’s car is a Honda Accord.

On April 25, cops were called to North Springs High School athletic field regarding a fight. Soccer players of the Hispanic American Soccer League were playing a game. Toward the end of the game, the referee called a foul on player # 4, who, in turn, pushed the referee and then hit him in the face. The referee’s story was disputed by several others on the field and by those who witnessed the alleged assault. They said he got in the face of the referee, but did not hit him. The person who was said to have hit the ref left, and nobody knew his last name or anything about him, which kind of makes him look a bit guilty, right? All we know is that his name is Jesus and he wears #4.

800 block of Summerbrook Drive—On April 27, a 23-year-old woman said she and her girlfriend got into an argument, then physical fight over the show “Breaking Bad.” One woman pushed the other into the wall. The other woman was gone on arrival.

5700 block of Roswell Road—On April 28, a 37-year-old man reported that he was robbed and injured by a knife-wielding man at a gas station. The victim said he drove in when approached by a man with short hair, wearing a grey baseball cap, who pulled a knife and cut him. The victim had a serious five-inch long laceration on his arm and a scratch on his neck made by a box cutter. The victim, who is a known drug user, said he wasn’t there to meet up and buy drugs, but was purchasing ice tea. The victim was later taken to the hospital for treatment of the injury.

Other Things

People Who Probably Should Not Make a Police Report—A 53-year-old man said he contacted a woman, referred by a friend, to pick him up at the Peachtree-DeKalb Airport, drive him to a hotel and give him a massage. The fee was $500 bucks. She picked him up and they went to dinner. He paid her prior to arriving at the hotel. Once in the room, she received a phone call from her “daughter” saying that said daughter had hurt herself. She left to render motherly aid, leaving the man without a massage. The next morning he called the police to file a theft report.

Okay I don’t want to get into the habit of telling people what to do but I believe that I would just take the hit on this one and leave it off a public record. Five-hundred bucks for a ride and massage? That’s one-third the price of a new John Deere D105 Automatic 42-in Riding Lawn Mower with Briggs & Stratton Engine and Mulching Capability. What the heck was he thinking?

200 block of Hammond Drive—On April 30, cops were called to a restaurant in regards to an altercation. A man told cops he ordered food and then burped loudly. The owner of the restaurant told him to leave. The complainant said he has an intestinal condition that causes him to burp loudly. He re-entered the restaurant and was, according to the owner and employees, nudged out the door. The officer negotiated a refund and the man was given a criminal trespass warning not to return and he left. No charges were made.

Arrests

Police were called to a restaurant on Northside Drive regarding a person down. They found a male in the parking lot who appeared to have taken a drug. His girlfriend said she believes he took heroin just before police arrived. Witnesses said the girlfriend was flushing drugs down the toilet prior to the police arrival. She also concealed items in her pants. Eleven pills were recovered by the cops. The man was sent to Northside Hospital. He was left with a copy of charges, as was the woman, who was also taken due to her being pregnant.

2900 block of Sandalwood Drive—On April 28, around 5:30 p.m., officers responded to a disturbance call. They spoke to a 45-year-old woman who said she was removing property from one apartment to another due to not getting along with the current roomie. The roomie got upset over her opinion that food was being taken from the apartment. This led to the following:

 _Victim struck six times in the face

 _Several names called including, b**** and junkie hoe,

 “uttered” statements including “Y’all b***** keep my name out of your mouth” and “I’ll push your fat a… down the steps”

 Reported unauthorized use of hot sauce, brand unknown

 Punch to the right side of a face

One person was taken to Northside Hospital and the other charged with disorderly conduct.

6300 block of Roswell Road—On April 29, around 8:30 a.m., cops were called to the address regarding a man masturbating. He was located and later arrested.

6300 block of Peachtree-Dunwoody Road—On April 30, a man took a $20-shirt and put that bar code on a printer toner item valued at $80, known as a “switcheroo,” and confidently proceeded to checkout. All was well until the code read “Toner,” which is not a brand of shirt. He was charged with shoplifting.